Why I Co-Sleep

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It’s funny how before you have kids of your own, you hear about the decisions of other parents and scoff. My child will never watch television. My child will never throw a tantrum in the store. My child will never sleep in our bed. 

It happened by accident. I had been a mother for four days. In four days, I hadn’t slept longer than two hours and only because my mom sat up with my son so I could nap. My husband was bleary-eyed for work and was difficult to wake up as it was. He also has an extremely important role in the railroad and has to be rested so I excused him from night duty. 

Finally, one night, I brought baby to bed with me, intending to just doze as he nursed. We wound up falling asleep with him and we slept for four hours. Four glorious, restful hours. I woke up horrified. This was not what you were supposed to do. They told you that explicitly. I felt terrible. But I also felt like I had finally gotten some sleep. Because I had, fancy that. 

So I did some reading and found that co-sleeping, more specifically bed-sharing, was not that uncommon and not that dangerous if proper precautions were taken. (I am not recommending you bed-share. Do your own research to figure out if it’s right for you.) I felt such an enormous sense of relief, especially after I slyly polled some of my friends and they all confessed to doing it as well. Regularly. For the next few nights, I brought my son to bed with me and breastfed him to sleep. We each slept under our own blanket, and I slept curled around him with one arm thrown out over his head. My husband eventually began to sleep in another room just because the baby still woke him up when he was hungry and I switched spots so baby always stayed safe in the middle. I didn’t and still don’t mind. 

Today, Buex is four months old and still in bed with me. We have an easy routine at night. I wash up dishes while he watches from his Bumbo and I feed our giant dogs. After I let them out for one last pee, we retire to bed where he breastfeeds until he falls asleep. Lately, he’s been getting fussy until I move so we’re not sleeping so close. Right now, he’s asleep with a pillow on one side while I sleep on the other. I think he’s ready to sleep in his own space. And even though we never intended to co-sleep and it was the big bad thing we did as parents, I’m actually sad for it to end. 

Breastfeeding Was Hard

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And it hurt. 

So in our childbirth class, the instructor asked us what we were most looking forward to after baby arrived and to tell our partners. I excitedly told my husband I couldn’t wait to breastfeed our baby. 

Yeah as it turns out, it was one of the most difficult and painful things I’ve ever done. Suffered through, more accurately. 

Breastfeeding Was Hard | What I Learned
Don’t get me wrong. I love breastfeeding my son. The bonding is some of my most treasured memories (cliche but true!) and so many hours in those first three months were spent feeding the little guy. 

It took a while to find our rhythm and get comfortable. In fact, he’s three months old and we only now are experiencing relatively easy, pain-free nursing. 

My first challenge was finding a good position where he would latch and stay latched to nurse efficiently. The football hold was the best in the hospital. When we got home, it was a little harder just because of couch cushions (yes, really) but it worked until he got a little too long and heavy. You know the Boppy? Yeah, it has some GREAT uses, and I use it all the time even now, but for nursing, it was useless. For me. And my breastfeeding issues are definitely unique. But I was stubborn and made it work. 

For starters, I began breastfeeding Buex laying down. And it was so easy to get him to latch. It still hurt though. 

And that was my next challenge: Breastfeeding HURT like a bitch, excuse my French. When describing the pain to a friend, the only accurate way I found was like a hot dull razor slicing into my nipples. I dealt with a few plugged ducts as well but the only way to truly get past it was to just power through. I know, I know. It’s not supposed to hurt if you’re doing it right! Well, my baby’s latch was perfect but it still hurt. BADLY. I’m sure I was doing everything right. I think for some, it just is a longer process. My nipples haven’t “toughened up” and they look normal. It just took time. 

There were setbacks along the way but here are the biggest things I’ve learned:

  1. Find a position that works. For me, side-lying has been a godsend. Not only does it seem to work best with my large and rather pendulous breasts, but I have the added benefit of being able to catch a nap while feeding my son. 
  2. Use a nipple balm. Eventually, I realized that nursing felt better when my nips were, as my best friend called it, “buttery”. That meant slathering them with balm. I used Upspring Wellmom Nipple Balm. After coating my nipples, I left the breast exposed so that the balm would kind of melt onto the skin. That has made the biggest difference. Other times, I used the Medela lanolin oil (but I noticed he spit up more when I used it so I stopped). 
  3. Sometimes, you have to keep them warm. I experienced some of the most excruciating nipple pain because I got cold and they completely seized up, turning white at the tip. I guess those are vasospasms but even just putting on a jacket helps. I went a step further and tucked Hot Hands into my bra (but over a breast shield, NEVER directly on the delicate skin!) and not only did that help the melt of the balm, but my nipples didn’t seize up. I had the added bonus of a small boost in production, something I had a few problems with. 
  4. Be stubborn. I refused to give up breastfeeding. Even through all of the pain and tears. I’m glad I stuck with it.
  5. But know it’s okay to take a break. Pump when you can. After exclusively breastfeeding for six weeks, I pumped and let my husband and mom feed him a few bottles. And when I got really frustrated, they took him and gave me a little break. And that is okay too. 
  6. Formula is not the devil. Due to a rather lengthy healing process (that included an infection that would not and will not go the eff away), I was prescribed estrogen cream that immediately dried my milk supply that I had worked so hard on. I was able to stop taking it, but for a day or two, my son had several bottles of formula. And the world did not end. He took right back to my breast when my supply came back (and I kept nursing him even when he wasn’t getting much) and he still prefers the good stuff to formula any day. 

We still lay down to nurse and I still slather up the ol’ nips, but breastfeeding is much more pleasant. There is no more pain and baby is nice and chunky with plenty of dirty diapers. I pump at work and send him to daycare with frozen breast milk (but also formula, just in case) and I have a good stockpile so my husband can feed him as well. But however he gets fed, Buex is fed and healthy. It took a while, but by figuring out what works, breastfeeding is now that beautiful, natural experience I was so looking forward to. It looks like we might actually make my goal of six months. Maybe more!
What are some tips you found to make breastfeeding easier?