It’s funny how before you have kids of your own, you hear about the decisions of other parents and scoff. My child will never watch television. My child will never throw a tantrum in the store. My child will never sleep in our bed. 

It happened by accident. I had been a mother for four days. In four days, I hadn’t slept longer than two hours and only because my mom sat up with my son so I could nap. My husband was bleary-eyed for work and was difficult to wake up as it was. He also has an extremely important role in the railroad and has to be rested so I excused him from night duty. 

Finally, one night, I brought baby to bed with me, intending to just doze as he nursed. We wound up falling asleep with him and we slept for four hours. Four glorious, restful hours. I woke up horrified. This was not what you were supposed to do. They told you that explicitly. I felt terrible. But I also felt like I had finally gotten some sleep. Because I had, fancy that. 

So I did some reading and found that co-sleeping, more specifically bed-sharing, was not that uncommon and not that dangerous if proper precautions were taken. (I am not recommending you bed-share. Do your own research to figure out if it’s right for you.) I felt such an enormous sense of relief, especially after I slyly polled some of my friends and they all confessed to doing it as well. Regularly. For the next few nights, I brought my son to bed with me and breastfed him to sleep. We each slept under our own blanket, and I slept curled around him with one arm thrown out over his head. My husband eventually began to sleep in another room just because the baby still woke him up when he was hungry and I switched spots so baby always stayed safe in the middle. I didn’t and still don’t mind. 

Today, Buex is four months old and still in bed with me. We have an easy routine at night. I wash up dishes while he watches from his Bumbo and I feed our giant dogs. After I let them out for one last pee, we retire to bed where he breastfeeds until he falls asleep. Lately, he’s been getting fussy until I move so we’re not sleeping so close. Right now, he’s asleep with a pillow on one side while I sleep on the other. I think he’s ready to sleep in his own space. And even though we never intended to co-sleep and it was the big bad thing we did as parents, I’m actually sad for it to end.